he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
