guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize