Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
