apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
