he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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