Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
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I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize