I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
