Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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