I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
