I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
