before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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