you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
