is your mom at the bar?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
