no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
