i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The Olympian is in my bed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
