hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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