In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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