and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
