theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
