You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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