How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
