haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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