Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
