i can't believe i had my finger in that
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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