At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
