At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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