im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
