Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
