My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
