He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
