Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
