Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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