He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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