I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
