Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
