Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
