she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
