I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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