i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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