Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
