Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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