Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
