That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
