The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
