We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
