So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
