Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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