Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am available for nakedness
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
