broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
dude. I can hear the air.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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