I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
