i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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