well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
