i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
