Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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