Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
