now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize