Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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