I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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