A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
