Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
