rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
