I love black thongs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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