New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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