good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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