I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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