i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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