if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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