A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
