You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
tell me about the eggs
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