I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
