so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
