just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
