I look better un-naked...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
