Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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