i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
