hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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