We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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