do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
