i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
